What's Wrong With A Glock?

Gentle Readers,

Welcome to Ask An Assassin, a continuing series of silly questions and flip answers by the Internet's favorite pint-sized alleged assassin and international woman of mystery, Lili Elena von Rohr de Brindisi, known to her friends as Dixie O'Day.

Zen Pajamas asks, "What's wrong with a Glock?"

Their balance is all wrong, with too many plastic parts in the grip and a heavy receiver, and it's all hype. You buy a gun to fit you, not because it's a sexy brand. And really, even a Kimber .380 will do the job in a pinch, and a fancier gun is more traceable. Better yet, get a Taurus .22 revolver, and get it off the street or at a gun show in a distant city. Revolvers have a can't go wrong mechanism, and a .22 is a surprisingly deadly round, and there's no policing for brass afterward. At, uh, certain distances, accuracy is also irrelevant. All depends on who, uh, what kind of animal you're hunting, and at what distance. For self-defense against bears, no need to shoot the poor thing unless it's up-close-and-personal, use a shotgun with a slug. Different jobs need different guns, and most of all, it has to fit right in your hand. For self-defense I like HK-P7, but it's an exotic, and the ladies' model Colt .45 ACP. Simple 1911 design, nicely discrete short barrel, so you can fire from inside your purse, and it's got a big can of whoop-ass inside, although the full-sized military model has less kick, it's like grasping a log off the fire pile, at least for us girls with small hands. The ladies' model is perfect for me. I'd like a no-snag hammer, like the HK, but whatever. If I'm at the shooting range, I only use the most expensive, most special equipment, and I rework it on the bench, anyway, so in the end, everything is custom. For distance shooting, a Lapua is a must. I like the Armalite AR-30. For warfare, an AR-15 is the standard gun. My favorite one started out as a Remington 700 series, but I've reworked every part of it. Nothing is original. I completely rebuilt the receiver. As a general-purpose gun, it's ideal. But if I'm going to be in the fine sand of the desert, with a constantly dirty weapon, I'm going to want a Kalashnikov.

In short, there's no reason, I just don't like the Glocks, I don't fire as accurately when I'm shooting them, and it's not the gun, it's how it's awkward in my hand, which it might not be in someone else's. The FBI swears by the Glock-22 in the ridiculous caliber of .40 Short and Weak. They could get GI model Colt .45s for a fraction of the cost, and have a just-as-reliable, much more deadly round. Go Figure. It's a Banker's Gun for the 21st Century.

Just my opinion.

--Dixie.